july

July 10th 2024 marked my first project visit to Bodenham Lake. On a whim, I decided to make a video recording; maybe as proof of being there, maybe to voice my angst, maybe to send out thanks; whatever the reason, this became a weekly exercise.  Chatting with my practice mentor a couple of weeks in, I realised that what these pieces of footage gave me was the feeling that being there was enough. I didn’t have to ‘make’ anything to have had a worthwhile visit. I could be in the space 7/8 hours at a time and come away with a 3 minute clip of the day - and that was okay. A year on, I am so thankful to have these points of documentation. I am looking forward to spending time with these recordings each month, and getting another year’s worth of reflections out of them.

The winter had been wet and long. Meeting with reserve officer Trevor in March, we had been unable to access much of the site due to flooding. July however, was hot and dry. The days warmed quickly and the shorter, grazed grasses were yellowed and dusty. The wooden hides became sun traps, so after the cooler morning hours had disappeared I often sheltered down on the river. Kingfishers were almost guaranteed, but with them were monstrous dragonflies and glimpses of eels. Tucked beneath that crack willow, I was transported to another time. There are a couple of locations at Bodenham that became particularly significant over the course of the year, that spot along the Lugg was one of them.

At the end of July I took part in an online poetry week through Arvon, titled ‘Closer Than Skin, Thicker Than Blood: Writing Real and Imagined Families’. When planning this project and booking onto a writing course, I wasn’t sure that this particular title was fitting; I guess I was hoping for something with ‘nature’ in the title. In retrospect, there must have been a pull there, something that felt right, because I ended up exploring parts of myself that had been untouched for a long while. It was intense, to the point that I had to plan in a walk each day to my favourite tree, to ready myself for the afternoon sessions. Without intention, the majority of my writing that week focused on puberty and gender binaries. It gave me space to acknowledge hurt I felt for my younger self, anger at the lack of vocabulary to explain what I was experiencing at that time or having anyone notice/question these things for me, and importantly, space to forgive. Engaging with the readings and course material was incredibly stimulating and I noticed how much I missed formal learning. Responding to writing prompts and discussing where each of us had taken them was not only a useful creative exercise, but a chance to feel part of a writing community.

This week changed the trajectory of my creative development and the project going forward. I wasn’t here as an artist, I was here as a writer.

…a gradual transition/and once it started/couldn’t be stopped/tomboy to woman/boy to woman/bypass girl entirely

puberty, a transition: round one (extract)

18/07/24 (week 2) - full footage @liv.mab